Beautiful Disaster
by Rei-silwen
Summary: Remus looks into his past and thinks about Sirius. "He's so beautiful...such a beautiful disaster" Remus POV. Slash
1. Beautiful

Beautiful Disaster

Warning: Slashy, Slash, Slash

Note: This is in some AU (Alternate Universe) where Sirius doesn't die in Harry's Fifth Year, and yes I'm still in de-nile. I'm drowning in it. Remus POV.

Chapter 1

_He's a tragedy with_

_More damage that a soul should see_

_And if I tried to save him_

_My whole world would cave in_

_It just ain't right_

_K.Clarkson_

Sirius Black had just walked in with James Potter. Never mind the latter, Sirius was my focus. It's not as if I don't love James. I do, just not in the same way as I do the tall raven haired dark angel, who is his best friend. They both spotted me and walked over. "Hey Moony!" called James fondly. I smiled up at them from my seat by the fire. The Common room was cold, and we, by we I mean the Marauders, tried to steal all the warm ones. It worked every time because we were sixth years. They both sat down beside me.

"Hey Moony!" called James fondly. I smiled up at them from my seat by the fire. The Common room was cold, and we, by we I mean the Marauders, tried to steal all the warm ones. It worked every time because we were sixth years.

They both sat down beside me.

"Where is Peter?" James inquired.

"He left for the library five minutes ago, why?" I looked at Sirius who was unusually quite. That bothered me.

"Good!" James said falling back in his chair. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Why is that good?" I asked innocently.

"He talks too much. The whole school will know what Sirius did..." I turned back to Sirius who looked up at me. Our eyes met for what seemed, to me, like an hour. Then they turned angrily to look at James.

"It's not important James..." he started. His husky voice was dangerous. It was than that I knew that whatever he did couldn't be as bad as the Shrieking Shack accident. Or worse, it could be. Suddenly I didn't want to know.

"He stole a motorbike!" James happily exclaimed. He seemed more thrilled than Sirius, but I knew better. Sirius was a Rebel, a dare devil to the extreme. He got pleasure out of his dares. That perhaps was his flaw, our flaw. I drew back to reality.

"A what?" I asked.

"A motorbike, a Muggle thing I think..."

"Oh..." I said thinking. I had seen something like that in a Muggle magazine. Sirius saw me pondering, and cut in.

"There's no way anyone will know, Remus." he said with a smile. It made me melt.

"Oh," said dumbly. Get with it Remus. Come on, don't fall for him.

"I thought maybe we could, I don't know... go for a ride if you'd like to." He contended quickly with a squeeze at my hand. That's it, I thought, as I looked into his stormed tossed eyes. Those eyes still amaze me today. Almost twenty years later...

"Okay..." I said quietly. James, who was watching this with a sly grin, rolled his eyes. He stood and made up an excuse about seeing Lily Evans, a girl in our year that he was dating.

As I look back on those times, when our love for one another was new, I remember other times some not so happy and everything makes sense. All the pieces fall into place in retrospect.

_He magic and myth_

_But as strong as what I believe_

_A tragedy with_

_More damage than a soul shouldsee_

* * *

Short I know. These chapters will jump around. It's like looking inRemus' pensive,I guess.Each chapter is adifferent moment in Remus' memory. 


	2. Redemption

Part 2 Redemption

_He drowns in his dreams_

_An exquisite extreme I know_

_He's a damned as he seems_

_But more Heaven than a heart could hold_

Sirius made it hard for me to love him. Mainly because he was such a rebel. He had almost no regard for the rules. He made so many mistakes, and he was so perfect. It mostly started in our fourth year when he came back from summer break. He had grow almost what looked like a foot taller. His hair was uncut and he wore jeans underneath his robes. The boys(even older ones) looked on with astonishment and girls fell at his feet. He didn't care about anything all of a sudden, and no one else cared that he didn't care. Detentions were day-to-day events, and Dumbledore now look forward to hearing what the great Sirius Black had pulled off today. But, Sirius didn't care about that either. He smoked cigarettes in the halls, and he came to class barefoot. He pulled a prank on Snape around the same time everyday, and went detention before anyone told him to.

But then he'd smile at me and I saw redemption in his silver eyes. His eyes told me that he loved me even before we had ever confessed it. His ruff hands fit perfectly in mine. And I fell in love with him again every day. My heart ached, and so did his. And when he held me our hearts ached together as one. But I saw my redemption in his eyes. I often wondered it he saw his in mine.

"Aw, come on Jamie..."

"No, Sirius, I'm not going to sneak up to the Slytherin house with you, that's suicide! We don't even know the password!"

"Not if we use your cloak. And yes we do. At least, I do." Sirius whispered back with a grin. I walked up behind Sirius and James when I saw them muttering excitedly. Peter followed.

_And if I tried to save him_

_My whole world could cave in_

_It just ain't right_

_It just ain't right_

"Right, the cloak." James said grinning evilly.

"What are you guys planning?" Peter said as we all sat down in the Great Hall for dinner. I noticed Sirius rolled his eyes as he sat across from me. "Explain, James." he said. James nodded, then leaned across the table. I leaned in as well.

"All, right here's what we're gonna do. Tonight, as our dear Slytherin friends sleep, we're gonna sneak in, and..." James' voice faded out as I looked up at Sirius' face. He was so beautiful to me, even then. Looking back on everything, that's what got me hooked, his beauty.

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

I remember that night clearly. After all, that night was the start of many nights. But, that particular night it was cold. Snow was falling outside, and it felt as if my bones froze up. James held the invisibility cloak close to him. I held the Marauder's map. Sirius led us down the dark corridors as his long raven black hair shone blue in the moonlight and flowed behind him in the cold air. I was drawn in.

_If I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_


End file.
